Little Music Box of Thoughts

Two days ago, I’ve been given a "wake up" call when a man whom we all love, a man that we affectionately called, Papa, was admitted to the hospital.

The shockingly rude news came when Papa rang me to check him into the hospital. At that moment, my world seems to be clouded with all sort of worries, all sorts of "what ifs". And it suddenly occured to me, is that some sort of horrible "you’ve been punked" act to remind me for not celebrating Father’s Day last weekend? For not expressing how much I’ve love Papa, for how much I’ve appreciated his sacrifices?

Throughout his hospital stay, I’ve tried to stay by his side, just in case he collapsed. Just in case his episode starts again, accompanying him to his MRIs, EKGs and blood test. At one point, I was told by the nurse to wheel my dad for the X-Ray and I realized, I felt like a 4 year old trying to control the shopping trolley. My dad was heavy, and I couldn’t control the wheelchair he is in. My heart sank. Suddenly, the worst "what ifs" hit me in the face. What if my dad is old and couldn’t walk anymore. I can’t even manoeuver his wheelchair what more clean him up and change him. Would this then be my ever so loyal mum’s everyday routine.

One thing I know, Papa is turning fragile, he’s now officially old. And as selfish as it may sound, I’m not ready to be responsible yet. I’m not ready to be the one to tell Nicole (my youngest sis), "Don’t worry, I’ll work out the money for your school fees tomorrow".

Throughout his hospital stay, friends and colleagues came for a visit. Even the a colleague who rarely make hospital visits came to check on Papa. And I realized, Papa is not only a man that the family loves, he’s loved by his colleagues. And if his students know, they would be there as well.

During his stay and the endless visits from his colleagues, I’ve seen the other side of Papa, the side where I see Papa through the eyes of his colleagues, the people he spent the most time with. I found out that Papa loves his badminton game and he’s real good at it. He has to quit because of his tennis elbow and he has to let go one of his passions in life.

He has to give up his other passion, eating. He loves food. All his colleagues tease him about his "alfa fa diet". He even joked about checking himself into the monastery to lead the life os a monk since he has to let go of his life’s biggest passion.

When Mr S came for a visit, he brought along the most mind provoking thoughts. He too, like Papa, has 3 girls. He said his girls told him this, "Daddy, you have to stay healthy for us, you are our pillar of strength." He then said, "I bet your Daddy is your pillar of strength too, ain’t it, darling,". I just nodded in embarassment and made a quick exit to the restroom, afraid that I could contain myself no more.

Yes, Papa is no superhero with exceptional superpower but he’s my pillar of strength physically and emotionally. He’s everyone’s pillar of strength. So, Papa, please get well soon. We need you more than you can imagine.

Lately, I feel like I’m a little lost. Kinda like flying around without my radar with no directions. Not only I’ve lost my direction, I’ve seem to not know who am I. Who is Joanne Oo in this world?

And I would really appreciate it if you pals, non-pals, colleagues, ex-colleagues, family, I would really wanna who is Joanne Oo to you? All positive and negative feedbacks are most welcomed. But seriously, don’t say things that are mean, ok? Constructive feedbacks are most welcomed. Keyword is "Constructive", mind you.

So, start typing before Joanne Oo is lost, forever…

While I’m typeing this entry, I’m in the comforts of a really huge and expensive villa set with jacuzzi, Nintendo Wii, absolutely fabulous broadband service and access to the gym and pool. Just so you know, no, I’ve not hit the jackpot yet.

Recently, I’ve been making career decisions. I’ve never understood how can one really love their job. Now that I’ve left In2, I’m beginning to miss every second of it. But when I was there, I didn’t have the same outlook. It’s not like  I hate the job or anything like that but the job took a toll on me in terms of health. Now that I’m in this new company for 7 months, I still don’t know if it’s what I really want. Everything I do seems so wrong sometimes but it’s not entirely wrong. The people that makes up the company seems like a devil in disguise sometimes but sometimes the human side of them appears too.

How do you determine whether you like the job or not? How do you get your colleagues to love you? How do you get things done the way your bosses want it to? I’m no mind-reader…how do you guess it "right"?

Ok, enough of the ramblings. I guess I just need my does of Grey’s and OTH now. Anyone finished the latest season yet?